it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
