What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
