Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
