there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
