My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
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