a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
