There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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