the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
