Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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