Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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