do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
