I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
