I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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