fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
