party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
