Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
