I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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