You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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