I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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