can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
