I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
