I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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