Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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