Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
we made out on top of his cat.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
