Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
