When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
