Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
