Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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