I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
