yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
