Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
