I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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