True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
