Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
