I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
