Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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