Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
