so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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