Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
