This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
