If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
