Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
