theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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