Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
