i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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