Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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