if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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