Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
