Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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