i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
