I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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